Sean Kolakowski (The Confidence Coach)
If you feel comfortable with who you are and recognize that you are capable of doing anything then, no doubt, you can handle anything life throws your way. In short, if you feel amazing you can do just about whatever you set your mind to. Including getting the success with women you deserve.
That’s what confidence gives you, it can be a consequence of having skill and ability. However, sometimes skill and ability isn’t related to confidence. I’d go so far as to say that most times confidence comes first. It is the first step in getting success with women, and the expression that helps develop your skill with seduction.
There is nothing better in the world than feeling amazing and super-confident. Like you’re on top of the world. Like you’re just unstoppable.
The info in this short series of articles for seduction community is my summary of all the things I know about confidence that will help you get a handle on your dating life, sex and seduction. I’ll show you how to conquer your fears – even how to turn your fears on their head and make them work for you – and how to change the way you think that ultimately leads to success.
I’ll also reveal the secret source of motivation and how to take the first step towards successfully meeting women (that first step is usually the hardest but often carries the most leverage for successful change work).
A good starting point for confidence with women is to find out just how confident you are in this area of life (women and dating) right now. So I’ve adapted the following quiz from some of the leading confidence research to allow you to determine the confidence level you currently have with women.
It’s a pretty straightforward 1-10 rating for each question, and you’ll get a solid idea of where you stand on confidence with women.
Self-esteem. Do you doubt yourself or your abilities with women? Think about times when you were talking to women or when you were dating, did you find yourself wondering whether she liked you more than just enjoying the moment? Or more specifically did you think you would be “found out” and she would see the real you and perhaps lose interest? On the other hand, do you just think you have skill and abilities that you trust?
Give yourself 1-10 for self esteem.
Worry. In your world is worry necessary, do you think it drives you through the tough times? Do you sleep well at night or are you interrupted (at any time) by an underlying angst? Or do you have the feeling that “what happens, happens” and you’ll deal with it – like the ability to leave your worries behind instead of have them follow you?
Rate yourself 1-10 for worry.
Social pressure. How confident are you in public situations where other people are interacting directly in your space. Would you like the idea of standing in front of a crowd and making a speech? Would the idea of all those eyeballs on you make you want to hide? Straight up as far as seduction goes, how much would you relish going over to a stranger to introduce yourself?
Give yourself a 1-10 rating for social pressure.
Risk. Are you the type of person who usually plays it safe or would you welcome a little risk in your life? When you are attracted to a woman from a distance, is it easier to not go and involve yourself in her life or would you be inclined to just go for it? Does the possibility of rejection or disappointment come first and stifle any risk taking action you might feel?
Again, rate yourself 1-10 for risk. One more to come…
Authenticity. How comfortable are you being the “real you” and not having to put on any “act” for anyone or any situation? Do you wear a mask that is publicly acceptable, do you pretend to be someone you’re really not to get on with the daily business – maybe it happens naturally or it’s easier to be play a role? Or are you confident enough to show the world who you really are, sometimes or all the time?
Give yourself 1-10 for authenticity too.
Great. You might have figured the test above is not strictly a scientific test, it’s a starting point and a guide built on solid psychology though. The science behind the insights gained from this test is where the real benefits lie. So Add up you scores and check the results…
How you’ve done:
If your confidence level is in the under 20 range then obviously things frighten you. It is missed opportunity that is the biggest consequence of low confidence and it’s the one thing that just a few more points will have a HUGE impact. The good news is that confidence is a perpetual machine. In other words, the small changes you make impact on current confidence and feedback into future confidence.
This range is indicative of someone who is confident with the familiar. It’s the unknown that’s scary. If you were introduced to a woman through your social group, you would probably have far more success than if you were to approach a girl in a bar – even if everything else stayed the same.
Superb confidence. And exclusive elite club where it’s members have a level of confidence and faith in their ability that very few possess. But there’s the real deal, many of the members of this confidence club fake their way in. Which is a GOOD THING! Even though few can pull it off consistently. However, here’s why it’s a good thing to fake your way in…
Confidence is fluid, and the way your mind works means that a bit of behavior modification – even deliberate change – can work BIG changes in your on confidence levels. Pretty soon after you fake it, you not only make it, you become what you were “putting on “ in the first place.
I’m going to be back with the rules of confidence very soon. And specific dating advice for aspiring seducers.