Badboy has been teaching seduction for as long as anyone. In this exclusive Seduction Community Lessons from Master Seducers article he has a few choice things to say about developing inner game, what confidence is and how we get it.
What is inner game?
Inner game is what the seduction community calls confidence. Actually inner game is the broad term for all those feelings, beliefs and attitudes that make up confidence. If you look at the ways that inner game is presented by some seduction teachers, it seems that you are expected to improve your inner game by memorizing material, running routines until they come naturally or perfecting your vocal delivery.
But that’s not true…
Because inner game is built on beliefs and attitude about life overall then, whether you realize it or not, those attitudes and frames you live by are directly affecting your confidence. We’ll get to how to change those frames so they serve you in a moment.
First though, it’s important to recognize that your attitude is projected out to the world in the things you do. And that means it is reaching the women you meet and talk to on a daily basis. If your frame, beliefs and attitude is strong, positive and assertive then women are naturally attracted to you. Frankly, this little tweak is how most naturals get laid – it’s nothing more than what they expect because of how they naturally frame the world.
Naturals have naturally developed three aspects of their identity. They all come together within your personality but they are three separate parts: beliefs, attitude and confidence. Think about it like this – beliefs fuel your attitude and confidence is the resulting combustion.
For example you believe that woman would like to meet you, your attitude is to go and find out, and you feel confident when you do. It’s a basic example I know but it illustrates the relationship between the three components nicely. When these things come together not only do naturals feel more confident, their actions mean they naturally begin to behave like they are the prize which is a key switch in attitude to attracting women.
Compare it to the serial supplicator who is always doing things to please a woman. He knows he isn’t worthy of her affections and his natural actions (because of his beliefs) let her know too.
It’s what is going on below the surface that counts.
Leadership and inner game
There’s a specific male quality or trait I cover a lot that is attractive to women. Leadership!
People in general are drawn to leaders and people with leadership ability. Leadership is a trait that comes from beliefs, positive attitude and confidence. It’s not the leadership specifically that’s the driver for attraction but you can’t be a natural leader without that attractive frame. So, when leadership is called for, it’s the attractive guy who shows up.
Leaders tend to know exactly what it is they want to accomplish and are focused on achieving that goal. Because they are relatively unconcerned by criticism or fear of failure and radiate confidence, leaders are also natural attractive.
I teach guys leadership all the time and their success with women almost always comes about not because of the seduction tools they are given, even though they learn a wide range of skills. They learn how to lead successfully because of how they frame the world and to a lesser extent the skills they have to get what they want.
When you have this people will follow you and respect you. To lead a successful life the following steps (just two) are essential.
The first step is less of a step and more of an observation. I want you to recognize that charisma does not exist. It is intangible and fleeting. People have difficulty describing the intangible so we have this word charisma. But if a person is described as charismatic or having charisma what is actually going on?
Charismatic people have one quality in common. One big thing that underpins what people would call charisma. It’s something we’ve already discussed.
They have a frame that is so strong it sucks others into their reality. Their frame (you could also call it individual reality or simply a point of view) affects everything they do. But it also influences how they see themselves which in turn has an effect on the lifestyle rules they adopt or guidelines that they accept from themselves and others.
Even if they are charming around people, you will usually find that charismatic people are a bit more demanding of themselves because of a strong frame. As well as treating themselves with integrity they also tend to expect others to fit in with their view of the world. This isn’t any different from anyone, but as you can see it’s the frame that’s different. A charismatic person has a frame that serves them, an average Joe (or AFC in pickup speak) has a frame about serving women.
See the difference.
It’s not difficult to apply these characteristics. For example the easiest way to ensure that those around you treat you with respect is to respect yourself and what you do. I know it sounds a little cheesy but it’s true. You can change it now but for most people this attitude shift changes when the real world reflects the change. In other words you feel respect from the feedback on the things you do, yet you need to respect yourself to develop and recognize the things you do are worth respecting. Hope you got that.
It can be a negative spiral for many, but it can just as easily be a positive motion… and it’s all built on your personal frame.
The next step is to develop the rules that basically define the things you will accept and the things you won’t accept from yourself and others. These rules aren’t a list of to-dos but like personal laws that you won’t accept being broken. Sounds simple, but there’s one hard part (especially for recovering nice guys). You have to challenge any behavior that anyone around you does which breaks your rules.
I used to advise that guys really kicked ass against anyone who did something that you don’t respect but everyone has their own way. The simple rule is not to put up with it. And that can mean dropping the dead wood or making it clear that you disapprove. Of course that’s true if people are really treating you badly, and it’s a good rule to live by in general. But remember we’re all about meeting and attracting women so I’m working on the assumption that most guys aren’t being bullied out of life but are regular guys without a defined frame which creates attraction.
So the lesson is to develop the unbreakable rules of a strong frame and don’t put up with anyone breaking them. With defined personal boundaries that people are aware of and know to respect, your frame is reinforced regularly with every social interaction. Remember humans are perhaps the most social animal on the planet and we are tuned in to other people’s frames all the time. For attraction to happen you must have a strong frame which is consistent with your actions. The good news is if you develop your frame with beliefs and attitudes and don’t let your rules be broken then your actions naturally reinforce it.
That’s inner game. Confidence comes naturally.