What You Think Is Safe Is Risky…

And What You Think Is Risky, Isn't!

This past weekend I had a social meeting with a seduction community guy who was a student when I was invited to teach at a European bootcamp. I always get a buzz out of coaching. And, as an observer of human nature and performance, it’s interesting to see who’s getting results, and who’s getting them fast. This guy got them fast!

It’s not unusual to hit new heights on a bootcamp because it’s a pretty unique situation where you can dedicate all day every day to learning about and practicing how to seduce women. This fella made the usual rapid progress on the course. He added to his abilities, boosted his closes and kicked a large number of those annoying bad habits and negative thoughts that offer no positive return.

I’d only spoken to him a couple times since then, and everything seemed to be sailing along nicely. So, I was surprised when we met this weekend and he said his game had taken a sharp drop.

He mentioned he still had “major approach anxiety” every single time he wanted to talk to a new cutie. Even though he has the experience of talking to plenty women by now (as well as a more than healthy close rate); even though, in his own words he “knows what he’s doing” he still gets the jitters when doing it, or even when thinking about doing it!

Few things you need to know here. First of all, I don’t know anyone who doesn’t get a bit of approach anxiety; in fact some still get it a lot, myself included. When you’re putting performance on the line, jitters are common. It's called “being human,” and if you're the kind of man who’s driven to push yourself to new heights and experiences, it's magnified.

So, what did this guy do about his approach anxiety? He changed the way he started talking to women. He opened with something situational, less risky! Very few women will reject a guy when he’s just commenting on the beer in the taps or the club’s opening hours.

This is the traditional teaching in seduction. You should get a conversation going so that you can then escalate it to attraction (once she gets to know you) and then on to seduction towards sex.

And you know what…

It’s the riskiest move in seduction!

Why? Because you aren’t entering the natural sexual frame that exists between men and women. You’re either relying on attraction happening by chance or you’re entering the dreaded friendship zone.

Why? Because you aren’t congruent with your intention. Your intentions and your actions aren’t on the same page. What you’re saying, doing and feeling needs to be on message.

Why? Because women like men who are confident enough to say they are attracted to them.

This particular guy invested some time to learn about attraction and seduction, he’s learned about himself in the process and, importantly, he’s taken action. Now some guys are concerned that they are taking some risk letting the woman know they are interested. But there really is no risk here.

Now, there is a solution to guys who just can't face the prospect of directly stating their intent. It uses a bit of the situational approach and immediately adds in the social-sexual subtext we need to seduce.

Want to know how to do it.

Pretty straightforward really.

You come clean.

After a situational opener like, “It's real hot today!”

Quick aside: never overthink the opener. That line is dumb, it doesn't have to be Shakespeare.

So, after opening, and she probably responds with something like “Uh huh, it is” (or some other stoopid smalltalk) you then say; “I wanted to talk to you, my name's Billy” or whatever.

It's a simple transition. The question is, does it hurt your chances versus letting her know you like her straight away. Well, in my experience it doesn't seem to. So give it a go.

And go seduce someone,

Carson Kyle
Natural Badassery

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  1. OK, I get what you mean. It’s easy to compromise and become a wuss when you get the jitters (approach anxiety). And I know I’ve heard you talk about how to let her know you’re attracted without having to say it. I agree with all that. But I suppose you can open with an indirect opener as long as you let her know, somehow, you’re attracted.

    1. Exactly Jim.
      By the way, I should have reported in the article that the student in question is back to his bad best and loving it!

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